here's the scoop!

Welcome dear family and friends!  After all my random communications to some of you-- emails, phone calls, texts, snailmail, FB messages)--it feels like now is the time to pull this all together into one place in order to be able to relay the information consistently to all.

It truly has been a wild and crazy journey so far and I am so blessed and grateful for you, dear friends + family.  You have been crucial to my growth while going through the process.  The love, prayers, positive affirmations, humor, and high energy have sustained me and prevented me from dropping down into some dark bunny holes.   Along the way I have been advised and supported by my spiritual leaders, alternative medical professionals, doctors, nurses, friends and family.  All of this has been so helpful in choosing the best path through this fire.  I am especially grateful to my immediate family--Pat, Nikki, Cece.  They have made many personal sacrifices to be at my beck and call 24/7.  I try never to abuse that privilege.  My daughter, Nikki, has even put her life on hold and moved in with us to get me through the surgery and first treatments. I don't know what it would be like to do it without her and there are no words to express how much this means to me.  Cece is still hard at work in school, but is always available for quick trips and phonecalls.  And, Pat, for those that know and really get this man, you know he is an amazing rock.  My own private place of calm is wrapped up in his arms next to his heart.

But before we get too far, let me start at the beginning to catch us all up.  I have not had the courage or energy to make all the phone calls necessary to pass on this information to everyone I wanted.  I apologize for this, but I feel confident that you will understand and might just do the same in my shoes.  Just know that I am so glad now to share this with you.

Here's the recap

December 21  (the last date of the Mayan calendar :-o)  I had a routine/screening colonoscopy.  Yes this was my first one (age 55) and I was 5 years late.  (PLEASE don't do this to yourself.  It makes everything way more scary and complicated.  Make that appointment TODAY.)  The test revealed an ugly black curly-edged mass in my sigmoid colon, about 2 inches long.  I remember seeing it on the screen, even in my drug induced euphoria - the "twilight drug", and thinking, ewwwwwww, what's that???  The doc took a little snip and moved on.  That biopsy revealed that I had adenocarcinoma.  Colon cancer.  Not staged at that time.  

December 21-February 13  Various tests ensued: PET-CT, lung biopsy, blood tests, chest ex rays, etc.  (All this made for a very interesting christmas season.)  I also met with my first oncologist.

February 13  Surgery to remove 7.5 inches of my sigmoid colon.  The surgery was done via the DaVinci method--robotic. V E R Y   S P A C E   A G E.  Through 5 small incisions in my tummy, they removed the colon specimen including 33 lymph-nodes.   This required a 5-day stay in the hospital.  The doc was very certain that the tumor was well contained and that surgery would be the happy end of this story....

Side note:  My amazing bro, Sean, happened to have this very SAME surgery (for non-cancer reasons), just 2 weeks before me!!!  What are those odds?!!!  So he was able to walk me through the whole process.  It was such a comfort and relief to talk about it with someone going through it.  He made everything so much easier for me mentally and emotionally.  Thank you, Bro, for holding your big sister's hand through that mess!!!!

February 25  Biopsy results.  The surgeon informs us that the biopsy reveals that 6 of the 33 lymph nodes had cancer cells. The cancer is Stage IIIB and the protocol would be chemotherapy.   This time I wasn't stoned on twilight drugs and the impact was swift and devastating.  I could only take deep breaths and cry silent, endless tears.  Pat took over as best he could but I could see he was also in deep shock while trying to ask intelligent questions and understand the next steps.  It was not a productive visit.  The doctor was really uncomfortable in delivering the news and just relied on the facts and the process, referring me to another oncologist. OK, off we go...

March 13  Another CT-PET scan.  More radioactive iodine for muah.

March 19  Met with the 2nd oncologist.  He was lovely, kind, intelligent and patient.  He answered all our questions taking all the time it required.  I asked if I could wait for a couple of months to take the chemo (I really wanted to try alternative treatment methods first--see below).  He said, No way.  Chemo needed to start immediately.  The regimen, called FOLFOX, would be twice monthly treatments for 6 months.  The doctor explained the treatment would be for a COMPLETE CURE and my prognosis VERY good.  

Side note.  At the onset of this whole journey, I knew that I wanted at least complementary treatments if not complete alternative treatments.  In my search for alternative care I found an amazing acupuncturist and an Ayurvedic specialist.  I had been interested in Ayurvedic medicine since reading Deepok Chopra's, Perfect Health years ago, as well as 5-6 other books, and taking an Ayurvedic cooking class here in Sacramento.  The Ayurvedic specialist, Ryan (one amazing angel in my life now) wanted to try Ayurvedic techniques for 60 days prior to chemo as long as the doctor said it would not jeopardize my life.  But as the docs wanted to start immediately, we decided to go with chemo and do Ayurvedic treatments in tandem.  Ryan has me on many special herbs and foods to boost my strength and immunity and diminish the side effects of chemo. BRILLIANT! 

March 24-March 31  SUPER FANTASTIC trip to San Diego to be with Nikki and Ceci.  We rented a rustic bungalow in the lush hills above Solana Beach and hiked the lagoon or the beach daily, ate great food, and so enjoyed each other's company....it was such a beautiful week with my daughters that filled my soul, heart, and mind with so much love, laughter, and light.

April 1  (April Fools - I WISH).  Went to UC Davis Cancer Clinic for a 2nd opinion from the 3rd oncologist (THANK YOU, Saundra, for recommending Davis!).  Dr. Tanaka is an oncologist and research associate.  He also was kind, compassionate, thorough, patient, and had a beautiful gentle manner.  He recommended the same regimen of chemotherapy (12 treatments of FOLFOX over 6 months).  He recommended that treatment start right away.  He also offered an option for a clinical trial going that I would be eligible for.  The trial involved 3 vs. 6 months of FOLFOX.  When I heard this, I became quite excited.  Less chemo!  That's for me!!!  But, there was another component to the study, Celebrex.  They were looking into the effectiveness of Celebrex in reducing the number of recurring polyps.  Well the list of potential side effects for Celebrex was almost as long as the one for FOLFOX.  And I would have had to take it for 3 ADDITIONAL years!  It sounded like too much of a commitment, so I passed.  Also, Pat found some research on-line where the French had looked at 3 vs. 6 month of FOLFOX that indicated that 6 months of FOLFOX was still more effective than 3 months.  So it didn't sound like something that we wanted to gamble.

I really liked our visit to Davis.  The facility was brand new and well-staffed.  They were easy to schedule appointments with, they always called back the same day--even the doctor called me himself--and they are recognized by the National Cancer Institute and National Comprehensive Cancer Network.  So we decided to continue on this journey with Davis.  Besides, it gives me a great excuse to get into the city every 2 weeks and meet friends for coffee/tea or check out some alternative films at the Crest.

April 4  Another CT scan with more radioactive juice :/

April 5  Port placement at UC Davis Hospital (7 am).  They punctured a hole in my neck to thread a catheter down to my heart and cut a slice in my chest below my collar bone to insert a port about the size of a quarter to sit below the skin (the port is to access a vein easily for chemo treatments). More happy "twilight" drugs for me. In case you're counting, I now have 7 holes in my front torso.  Well, this was not quite the walk in the park I was hoping for.  This port thing was painful, kinda ugly, and a wee bit scary.  It was more than I expected, or else all those folks on YouTube are heros.  And I'm no hero!!!  It was psychologically heavy too see this tube in my chest.  This was another reality check. I was one step closer to the chemo....I felt a bunny hole coming up, but worked it out with loving family, friends, journaling and meditation.

April 15  First chemo treatment.  I had so much support from all of you.  The texts, emails, phone calls, all helped immensely for me to stay calm and grounded.  I practiced pranayama breathing on the way to the clinic and arrived relaxed and prepared.  We went to the clinic, they explained the process and I was hooked up to a variety of drugs (chemo and non-chemo to deal with side effects).  I stayed hooked up to the IV for about 4 hours.  I felt nothing from the drugs and just read, snacked, meditated, and napped.  Then they set me up with the final drug (5-FU) in an infusion pack which I get to wear around with my all day + night like a purse - sexyyyyy.  This infusion pump runs for 2 days and then I return to get disconnected.  Rinse and repeat every 14 days.

April 16  Aside from some nausea, insomnia, and a headache, the chemo has not affected me too much so far. We will see how it goes...

***

So that gets us up to speed somewhat, in a VERY abbreviated way.  You can just imagine the hours of research that Pat and I did, both traditional and alternative treatments, looking at the medical books and journals and talking to anyone we could about it.  Although I would never EVER wish this experience on anyone, I have to say that the journey has already transformed me and its only just begun.  There is something about your mortality at risk that shifts things..... quickly.  I had to clean up my act lickity split!  Pretty much went vegan overnight, in panic mode/cleanse mode. It was good intuition.  NO meat, dairy, coffee or alcohol.  Twenty pounds melted off me without notice. I focussed on yoga, walking, hiking and cycling.  When I met Ryan (California College of Ayurveda) he calmly brought me back to a wholesome diet and now I eat some ORGANIC dairy (yogurt) and meat (pastured eggs, fish) but mostly VEGGIES!  He is prescribing a more rejuvenating diet, so I don't lose too much weight on chemo.

My co-workers and bosses at DMEA have been AMAZING in their support and compassion.  They told me emphatically early on to put myself first and take all the time I needed.  It turned out that I need a lot of time.  I have been off work since Feb 12 and probably won't go back until May or June, depending on how the chemo effects me.  But even so, it cannot be the same old routine of running out of the house with a cup of coffee dashing for the bus, eating something crappy for lunch and home for take out dinner. NEVER AGAIN FOLKS



As for now, the growth in my colon is gone, but not quite forgotten.  The chemotherapy will burn any remaining cancer out of me and with the help of herbs, acupuncture, wholesome food, and the amazing support team I have, I will rebuild my body back from its ravages and beyond.  And in this process, my mental, spiritual and emotional life will continue to transform, unfolding in amazing and mindful ways.  

xxcoco